


From A to Z - Magnificent Seven Style

by carolej126, TeriH



Category: The Magnificent Seven (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Gen, Magnificent Seven AU: ATF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 16:57:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18608695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolej126/pseuds/carolej126, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeriH/pseuds/TeriH
Summary: Originally published in Magnificent Shorts #4 (Neon RainBow Press, 2010)What you get when two VinList Mods get bored and decide to break virtually every rule of sentence structure.Hope you have as much fun reading as we did writing this piece.





	From A to Z - Magnificent Seven Style

**A:** Absolutely nothing had prepared the men of ATF Team Seven for the sight that lay before them, unless you count that one time back in the OW AU when Amelia had Vin jumping rope or when the giant Easter bunny stole all the eggs from the supply train in Mary Ann's futuristic AU or...wait it wasn't a bunny, so never mind.

 **B:** Balancing delicately, or delicately balancing, as it would have been written except for the fact that this sentence was required to start with the letter "B," on the top step of the federal building, the animal stared at them, its head bobbing like one of those dogs you might see in the back window of a car, until its movement drives someone crazy and that same someone puts it out of its misery by tossing it into the street.    

 **C:** Chris cringed in comprehension that he was the culprit who had chucked Buck's bouncing boxer callously from the car to crash on the concrete below, which Carole had cruelly and concisely commented on in sentence "B," when his contemplation was concluded by the cacophonous yet capricious sound coming from the clearly carnivorous creature currently crunching away on a chicken salad croissant.  

 **D:** "Dat's kind of weird, don't you think?" JD asked, mysteriously losing his ability to pronounce the "th" sound, his attention shifting back and forth from the less-than-appetizing sight before him, unable to bear the thought of a perfectly good, and in some areas of the world, moderately expensive, sandwich going to waste when he and the others had worked through their usual lunch hour without a break aside from the candy bars Vin had procured from the hallway snack machine despite Nathan's disapproval and his offer to provide, at no expense to the others aside from a tip, a more healthy meal, to the equally unappetizing sight of Buck trying to woo a pretty young thing who was walking by, oblivious to the possible danger she might have been in.    

 **E:** “Excuse me, Gentlemen, but I do believe a plan of action is called for if we are to defeat this…this…whatever it is, which I might point out appears quite content as it consumes _my_ sandwich which Mr. Tanner so kindly ‘chucked’ to the ‘poor _scart_ critter’ in an effort to befriend the beast _and I might add_ that my meal will be going on my next expense report along with the cost of dry cleaning the Starbucks Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte from my Hugo Boss 'Pasolini/Movie' Two Button Suit, not to mention the medical bills from the probable third degree burns suffered by my person in the tussle for said sandwich,” Ezra exclaimed blotting at the sticky stain on his suit as he stepped back and neatly placed Vin between himself and the creature which had lifted its head and seemed to be sniffing the air as if hunting for the next tasty morsel on the menu.       

 **F:** Forced to favor his left leg, injured in an altercation between the SEVEN, capitalized in deference to their horde of adoring fans both local and world-wide, and a gang of gunrunners the day before when said gang of gunrunners attempted to escape capture despite being outmaneuvered, outmanned, and outgunned, causing several members of the SEVEN to pursue them over, under, and around the boxes that littered the abandoned warehouse, resulting in a plethora of scrapes, bruises, and other assorted ailments, Josiah finally managed to catch up with the rest of his team, the SEVEN, the MAGNIFICENT SEVEN, and in doing so, also finally managed to get a good look at the creature that had totally and completely captured their interest, only to, without having a chance to go "old testament" on anyone, fall over in what looked like a dead faint.

 **G:** “Gryffindor, I think he said Gryffindor,” JD said, his silky, long, dark hair falling into his eyes as the computer expert stood after having leaned down, his ear next to the profiler's moving lips, “but no he can’t mean Gryffindor that is one of the four Houses of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, founded by Godric Gryffindor, from the Harry Potter series and since that would make this a crossover, which are not allowed in this Yahoo Group, he had to have meant _griffin_ which is a fantasy creature with the body of a lion and the head and often wings of an eagle, however I would disagree with the fantasy part because unless my silky, long, dark hair is distorting my vision, that is exactly what is sitting right in front of us.” 

  
**H:** "Hang on," Vin said, taking a moment to revel in the fact that while JD did have silky, long, dark hair, he himself had been blessed with long, silky, luxuriously curly hair, before glancing at Chris and sharing that LOOK, the one that meant that the two of them were conversing in that unknown, unspoken, unheard communication method that they had perfected over the years and found to come in handy during busts, hurt/comfort scenarios, angsty moments, and poker games.  

 **I:** “Insufferably rude,” Ezra stated, (stated because a Standish would never lower himself to mutter) and then continued to elucidate his point, “yes I’m talking about the two of you and your ESP, or head talking, or Vulcan mind meld, well maybe not that last one or we would be back into the crossover debate and would have to write a disclaimer about how we are not now or ever have made money by using the “Vulcan Mind Meld” which was not my intended point but rather an off shoot of the fact that talking about people while they are standing right beside you is rude...insufferably rude!”    

 **J:** Just then, at that very moment in time, give or take a few seconds, the griffin moved forward, stepping over Josiah's motionless, prone, and apparently unconscious body, which was probably a good thing, him being motionless and prone and unconscious, that is, because waking up to find a carnivorous animal perched only inches from one's face would have been quite a jolt, and studied the six men that stood before it for what seemed to be hours but was only a minute or two in reality, before abruptly heading for the nearby Burger King, its mouth already open in anticipation.  

 **K:** Kneeling down by Josiah, his fallen comrade/teammate/confidant/friend/brother, Nathan opened up his ever present, fully stocked first aide kit/medical bag and began to pull out various item such as pain medications, assorted bandages and wraps, tape, scissors, salves, defibrillator, forceps, sewing kit, tweezers and a rope before digging even deeper as his arm and head disappeared inside the never ending bag when suddenly his muffled cry was heard, “Smelling salts, at last, I knew it was here somewhere.”  

 **L:** "Looks like Josiah's in fer it now," Vin commented, grimacing as Nathan reappeared from the depths of his bag with not only a container of smelling salts in one hand, but also a cup of freshly brewed herbal tea in the other, "that stuff Nate tries to pass off as bein' good fer ya smells like... well, I'd tell ya 'xactly what it smells like, but some people don't like that kinda language in a public forum such as this, so I'm jist gonna say that it ain't something you'd want t' be puttin' anywhere near yer face and 'specially not in yer mouth."  

 **M:** Monitoring the movement of the griffin as Josiah choked down his tea the men of Team SEVEN moaned when they heard Chris mutter “Can this day possibly get worse,” because, they like any character in any of the thousands of fanfictions to be found on the internet realize, no they _KNOW,_  that once those words have been uttered they are in for a world of hurt!  

 **N:** Never had it been said that the SEVEN had failed to face extreme odds, overwhelming danger, or possible loss of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, determined as they were to protect the fair citizens of Denver despite snow or rain or heat or gloom of night - uh, oops, that's the United States Post Office -  but this time, it was a distinct possibility, because everyone knows that once anything or anyone has scented the unmistakable smell of a Whopper and large french fries, nothing, and I mean nothing, can stand between that man, creature, or extraterrestrial being and his/her/its meal.    

 **O:** Oblivious to the additional dangers; such as escaped convicts, drug lords, cartel leaders, street gangs, rogue FBI, CIA (you name the agency), not to mention disgruntled fathers, brothers and husbands of those women that Buck has seduced, which lurked all around them ready to strike at a moment's notice, or sooner, the _men of the Magnificent Seven_ moved down the street striding side by side, a united front, ready to face anyone in their way as they attempted to make fast food joints once again a safe haven for those individuals unable or too afraid to order from a waiter at a fancy French restaurant, viva la Burger King!    

 **P:** Pedestrians scattered, cars and trucks darted into empty and not-so-empty parking spaces, and city buses detoured down side streets, all effortlessly brushed aside by the sheer force of their determination, the few, the proud, the SEVEN, and those who dared to foolishly stand their ground were speared by the copyrighted laser like armor-piercing glare of Chris Larabee.  

 **Q:** Quivering in their boots/sandals/sneakers/bare feet like bowls of strawberry/banana jello during a 7.5 magnitude earthquake, the unfortunate recipients of that stare suddenly found themselves unable to move, frozen in place, and could only watch as the SEVEN continued on their way, stride for stride, step for step, whistling "Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go," in perfect seven part harmony. 

  
**R:** Radio and television helicopters appeared and swooped down like birds of prey to chronicle the momentous event, their blades stirring up the dust and sand particles and causing JD's silky, long dark hair and Vin's long, silky, luxuriously curly hair to whip around their faces, until Vin withdrew his trusty sniper rifle (which he never left home without) and in one deft movement shot the fuel line on one chopper, the ricochet cleanly shattering the lens of the camera in another, yet Vin never broke stride nor missed a beat in their harmonious tune.    

 **S:** Smiles broke out amongst the SEVEN as they watched the vultures depart, satisfied that, instead of finding Ezra's photograph on the front page of the local newspaper, or shared over the net via YouTube, their undercover man's identity would remain undercover, even while they once again wondered to themselves just why none of the bad guys ever told each other about his shiny gold tooth, which sparkled so brightly that it could be seen, when the weather was clear, from the orbiting space shuttle.    

 **T:** The SEVEN 'brothers' dove for cover when without warning, other than the cocking of Chris's head and his cry of "Gun!"- a hail of bullets rained down upon our would be heroes (Which bears the question, can bullets both rain _and_ hail?) in an attempt by their arch enemy __Insert name here__ a)  Stuart James   b) Guy Royal,   c) Eli Joe,  or d) Cletus Fowler, to thwart their attempt to stop his pet from its rampage in the search of sustenance.  

 **U:** "Umbrellas!" Chris shouted in response to the weather-themed assault, gaining a few looks of puzzlement from his men, but despite the odd command, all six of them got to their feet in perfect unison, whipped out their rain gear and, with Chris leading the charge bearing a large, black umbrella in one hand, and his firearm in the other, zigged and zagged from one side of the street to the other, each step taking them closer and closer to their target, and farther and farther away from the armed miscreant who had foolishly chosen to continue his life of crime despite the fact that the SEVEN, the MAGNIFICENT SEVEN had vowed to take him down.  

 **V:** Violently the creature ripped the Menu/mic from its foundation, having been frustrated at the inability to understand the garbled voice, then turned and pounced on the annoying and rather frightening huge-headed, Burger King king and ripped him limb from limb (you don't know how often I've wanted to do that) when all it wanted was to order a Triple Whopper w/ Cheese, large fries, and a Dutch apple pie and hear them say, "Have it your way....."  

 **W:** "Whopper, whopper, whopper," the griffin whimpered in a whisper, ignoring the strewn pieces of the king, and looked through the window at the large posters hanging from the ceiling, each displaying a different meal selection in a variety of prices, starting as low as $3.99 and going up to $6.99, with such a look of desperation that the hearts of the SEVEN, each and every one of them, was touched, and they realized in that moment that the poor creature was just _misunderstood_ , and simply needed the right kind of guidance to make wise meal choices.  
  
**X:** "Xtra cheese on that, please," could be heard in Vin's distinctive Texan drawl as he placed a rather large order for enough burgers to lead the griffin, who was currently eating the french fries that JD threw to him one by one, back to the Larabee spread where Chris planned to use his innate talent at horse whispering, the nearest thing to griffin whispering, along with Nathan's knowledge of dietary nutrition to reform the creature so that he might live a long and healthy life in the mountains of Colorado.  

 **Y:** "Yonder stood the fearsome beast, chomping down a beefy feast," Vin waxed poetically, unable to help himself as inspiration filled his soul and flooded past his lips, before pushing aside the discarded Whopper wrappers that littered the Ram and exiting the vehicle, eager to watch the griffin, who, after having followed a burger crumb trail, in true Hansel and Gretel fashion, along the highways and byways, beside rivers, over bridges, across railroad tracks, through tunnels, and between tall mountain ranges, all the way to Larabee's ranch, was now free to enjoy his new found freedom.  

 **Z:** Zelotypia, which everyone knows means jealousy, surged through the SEVEN as they watched Griffith the Griffin, as Josiah had named him for it meant _having great strength_ , spread his wings and within a few great bounds was airborne, gliding above the trees, the graceful arch of his wings carrying him ever higher as strains of Elmer Bernstein's **_The Magnificent Seven_** seemed to swell with the breeze.

 


End file.
